If you’ve never been to Pittsburgh, don’t bother making the trip.

First off, let me explain I took a brief roadtrip/vacation to the Steel city to see my Orioles play the Pirates for (what I suspect was) the first series against Baltimore since 1971… A wise O’s fan would have stopped there; let the people of Pittsburgh have their fun in celebrating one of the greatest upsets in World Series history. I, however, thought to myself “The Pirates fucking suck, this should be an easy sweep and Pirates fans can’t give me guff; for each team is rubbish.”

For the most part we birds fans flocked together, stayed at the same hotel, took the same route back to shuttle and generally ate at the same places. Now despite the 2 losses to a crap team, I had an okay time. We didn’t drive into the city, so we never got lost and around 99.5% of the Pirates fans we met were amicable and generally great people… two of you guys were drunk jackasses (who probably mistook my girlfriend and me for Ravens fans).

Time to air some grievances. Primanti Brothers fuckin sucks. The end. Put more meat on your bitchwiches and don’t raise an eyebrow because we don’t want coleslaw on your fry-filled sandwiches. There’s a reason we don’t want your nasty slaw: It’s gross. Next, don’t think everyone from Maryland likes the Ravens. I like the Skins, and will root for the Colts when the time is right. Thirdly, fix your stupid town. Why aren’t your streets on a grid? It’s confusing and GPS’s don’t even know where they’re going.

After I returned, I did some of the most Marylander type things. I drank some Natty Boh out on the Eastern Bay (not far from the Chesapeake), listened to the Orioles stomp down on Cincinnati and caught a few Rockfish… and had a crabcake for dinner. I had to purge the Shittsburgh out of my system.

Wiz Khalifa-Pittsburgh Sound (All In My Blood)

Rusted Root-Send Me On My Way

p.s. Bet you didn’t know Rusted Root are from Pittsburgh.

p.p.s. Fuck the Penguins… and your damn zoo. DC’s zoo is free bitches.